Maami in my dreams

Aug 19th, 2009. Maami was our affectionate name for my paternal grandmother

Yesterday night, I had a dream. First I thought it was a nightmare. I was with Vikas in our Jayanagar home. We were talking and slowly I retire into Anniah’s room. Vikas goes in to play. After a while it is all quiet I call out for Vikas. I hear no response. I get worried and walk into the verandah. I see a sticky note on the door handle. It says ‘Vikas is with me’ and I hear it in Maami’s voice. Maami would usually be in the kitchen so I start toward it; I get drawn forcefully into the kitchen. As I enter I realize Maami is no more and blood rushes into my being as I realize that it could be Maami’s spirit. I get frightened like hell, terrified is the word, and my hair starts to rise on my entire body. The energy from her starts to envelop me and I start to loose consciousness. This energy at the start feels bad; then I realize it is my assumption. I make all effort to see Maami and soon the darkness in my mind clears. I can see Maami now; she doesn’t have a form or a face or a body. She is some wisp of whiteness, ever moving. Now, I realize I am no more frightened and I welcome her as she is. I can feel her hugging me; I can feel the same warmth when she used to hug me as a child. I can smell her dress, ever fresh. This is too much for me and I wake up. I wish then that I had an opportunity to talk to her and listen to what she had to say.

I go to the bathroom and am back to sleep. As I do so, I dream again of Maami. This time, it is a playful spirit. She leads me to the ‘Last room’ in the house (called kade-room in Kannada). She easily drifts up to the storage space up looking for something. I can feel she is free; she is unencumbered by anything physical from her life. She is happy and I am glad she is.

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