My experiment with God


Yes, I did an experiment. Recently I have been going through a rough time. I used to routinely get up and light up lamps and pray in front of God. Not literally pray for something – but just pay my obeisance. This was most of the time. During the rough patch, lasting several months, I began to wonder why should I just routinely pray. I was almost going through the motions mechanically and not connecting to Him. Thus I decided to forgo this routine. However, I resolved to stay happy and do good that He would appreciate in any case even if I didn’t pay my obeisance. This went on for a month or so. In the process I became quite disconnected with Him. Once this happened, it was all me. I had nobody but myself to answer to. So with every act, instead of checking with Him or my conscience, I would try to make a judgement myself – i.e., mostly using my mind. I think when you are at peace you listen to your heart more than your mind. This resorting to of the mind, I can say, hasn’t worked well. There were some good decisions and some not so good ones. I would realize only later that I could have done better if I hadn’t listened to my mind. I was impulsive and moody. I started seeing negativity creeping up on me. Today as I got up, I wrote my personal journal of what was bothering me and also wrote down how I will let go of it. This was around 5:00 AM in the morning. At around half past six, I had finished writing and went up back to bed. As I was about to lie down, I went to the two idols of Him in our bedroom and stopped myself thinking I shouldn’t be praying mechanically. I turned back. It stuck me at that time that even if I were to have continued connecting to Him mechanically, there would have been a force present to look over me in rough times. It might not be evident all the time. That is, rough patch will come. He will not help you out so that all one has is good rides. But in times of real need, there is some invisible force that nudges you if one resorts to such help. Without such a resorting, it is all left to oneself. There is a connection between the lack of His presence in your life and misery. Faith and belief in a higher power will help unknown to one in times of need. One may argue that this hasn’t happened to him or her. I won’t say this is a proven formula, but what I came away from this one month one’s chances at happiness is more when one surrenders to a higher power.

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